I am guilty! I am guilty of complaining, hoping, wishing, and praying for a change. In an effort to not appear ungrateful, I say prayers of thanks because things could always be worse. At the same time, I ask for things to change but fail to take action in order to make the change happen. Until now, I have fooled myself into thinking I am doing all I can do to make the changes happen. Well, like a “Matlock aha” moment I realized that there is more I can do and must do. You know what else? I realized that there are many people, women particularly, who may be just as guilty as I am!
In 2009 you were in a relationship that wasn’t going the way you wanted. Maybe it was real bad, maybe it was just aiight. Whatever the issue, you decided that you wanted a change. In fact, you told yourself, “Self, a change is gonna come!” Well January 1, 2010 has come and gone and things are the same. My question to you: how will the rest of 2010 turn out? For me, I can tell you that I am ready and willing to do the work it takes to make the changes happen!
In my particular situation, I am dissatisfied with my work environment. Yes, I have a good job and yes I am getting a comfortable salary. But there is more that I want, more I want to learn, and things I want to achieve that require me to step outside my job parameters. I know the steps I need to take, I know of the resources available to me yet I maintain in the same position doing the same thing with the same funky attitude. But its like they say, knowing is only half the battle. Until now, I have not taken action outside of verbalizing my discontent (and that’s putting it mildly).
My professional situation is similar to relationships. Sometimes we complain about our partners or our relationships to anybody who will listen. We pray, we hope, we wish, and we believe with enough might to pull a horse-drawn carriage that a change is gonna come. We tell ourselves things will get better or he changed before so he/the relationship will change again. We get caught up in it, which prevents us from seeing the simple solution when stares us in the face. Let me simplify things to make my point.
I am standing in the parking lot, hungry, tired and wet because it is raining. In fact I am in the midst of a storm. I am so caught up with where I am now, I can’t see where I should go or know what my next move should be. You come along and see me and say “Cooke, girl, what are you doing.” Well I don’t answer because, come on, it is pretty obvious; duh, I am standing in the rain. So, being the nice person you are, you ask “Cooke, why don’t you just get out of the rain.” This time I take the time to look at you. I want you to know see my facial expression and get an idea of what I am thinking, which is “I would if I could but I can’t so I won’t.” Too many times I have been you, the one getting the stupid look because I ask an obvious question or make an observation about someone’s personal situation. “If he is cheating, why are you still with him?” “If he doesn’t treat you right, why don’t you dump him.” “If you are not happy, why don’t you do something about your situation?” You get where I going, right?
Like me standing in the storm, the women in those situations are in their own storm and can’t see the obvious. They tell the world what they have been telling themselves for some time, “A change is gonna come.” Now I don’t know about you, but when I listen to Mr. Charles Gator Moore I think about my situation. I also think about that friend that is still in that relationship because she believes a change is gonna come. My friend and I are so caught up in our own drama, drowning in our complaints that we can’t see our way out, can’t think of a way out. It gets to the point where the only thing that any of us can do is hope and tell ourselves and others is that a change is gonna come.
It’s like Mr. Moore said “its too hard living but I am afraid to die cause I don’t know what’s up there beyond the sky.” Some of us see change as something terrifying. If change occurs with little or no input on your part, it was meant to happen and we are forced to adapt. At least that is my approach because I am forced to take responsibility for any change that is a result of action on my part. And frankly, that is just plain scary. It’s not rocket science, it is simply human nature! It is easier to complain about the lack of change in our lives than actually taking action and venturing into the unknown.
It’s the same way with relationships. You have been there, done that. You know what it is like. You stick to what you know…which is him and the relationship that you have built. You know his routine and he knows yours. He has been there during your lows and well…isn’t that good enough? Does it really matter that things aren’t well now? Well…I don’t have the answer about your relationship.
What I know after a long self-evaluation is that I am done mimicking the river. I am tired of running. I am tired of complaining. I am ready to take action. 2010 is almost over and I refuse “re-darn-fuse” to stick with my current routine for the rest of the year. I declare a change will come! How do I know, you ask? Because I will take action for “there been times that I thought I couldn’t last for long, but now I think I’m able to carry on.” How about you?
And by the way, this is my first step to making a change.
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