Don’t you hate those moments of clarity? You know…those moments when you realize that you are not the perfect mate. When you realize that despite your great qualities, you can be nagging, rude, just darn difficult. But despite it all, HE loves you. I am not talking about God, although this post is applicable to him as well. I am talking about the special man in your life, your boo. The one who makes you feel special inside, the one who makes you laugh when you feel like crying. That special guy that gives you a kiss goodnight and says he loves you despite the unlovable things you may have said and did.
Well, I recently had that moment of clarity. Yes, I must admit it because I cannot type a lie! One particular Sunday, while babysitting our godchildren, I was particularly difficult with HIM. My mood was funky because I allowed little things, things that didn’t matter, to annoy me. Instead of sharing my feelings, I pouted like a two-year old. Sad, huh? Anyway, when the kids went to bed, I did everything I could to avoid evaluating my behavior. But it didn’t work. So I decided to distract myself by listening to music and Kelly Price’s song came on.
“You should’ve told me I wasn’t wild enough, you should’ve told me I didn’t smile enough.” In the song, “You Should’ve Told Me”, Ms. Kelly P. sings about all the things her guy should have told her and even accuses him of leading her on. Every time I hear the song, I think “Huh?!?” Why should he have told her the things she already knew or should have known? Okay…so what does this song have to do with my moment of clarity. Well….a lot. Should I wait for him to bring up my bad attitude / funky mood or use my moment of clarity as a tool for evaluation and self-improvement? Hmmmm….
Why should we wait for him to tell us what we already know or should know? He says “Baby, every since you gained some weight you don’t want to do the things you used to.” We respond with a gasp and a dumbfounded “Really?!” Then we get angry because we feel like our boo should have said something sooner. Come one now…you, the girdle you have on, the scale in the bathroom and the sofa with the butt dents already knew the truth. Let’s keep it real. If you don’t I will. We recognize the signs yet we wait for the boo to bring it up. We wait until someone else calls us out, we wait until we are forced to deal with our issues. Why? Is it out of denial, willful blindness or a need to believe we are awesome beyond measure?
Sometimes we get caught up in our issues. We get wrapped up in how we add value to the relationship and how we make him better. It’s like Ms. Kelly P. sang, “I was living in my own world thinking I’m a perfect lady.” Living in one’s own reality didn’t help Ms. Kelly P. and it will not help you or me. The way I see it, we have three options: (1) We can continue thinking we are the bomb-diggity and he should love us flaws and all; (2) wait until things go downhill and he has one foot out the door, then we ask him “why didn’t you come and tell me?”; or (3) use our moments of clarity to learn, improve and become a better person and mate.
Now which one do you think I chose? Better yet, which one will you choose? Don’t wait to tell him “you should’ve told me” when you already know or should know. Don’t ignore the signs or your conscience. Humble yourself, woman up, admit when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes. Trust me, unlike Ms. Kelly P., you won’t be singing about wasted time. Self-evaluation and self-improvement are always worth the time and effort.