I know what you are thinking. Cooke…that’s my jam or Cooke…I knew you were going throw Beyonce up in the mix sooner or later. My response: You know! Regardless of your thoughts about her, her family, her relationship or her talent, she does sing about situations that we can relate to. Now just for a moment…think about the words of the song. In particular focus on the part where she says… “She gonna profit everything I taught if let you go…can’t let you go…darn if I let you go.” Is she talking about her lover or a poodle that she finally got house-broken?
Sometimes women focus too much on how much work they put into a relationship that women stay in dead end relationships. We often tell anyone who encourages us to leave that “I know he does this but I will be darned if I leave so the next chick can reap the benefits.” Women say these statements with a straight face even though their female intuition is screaming that their man is a dog.
Fa real! Seriously! You have got to be kidding? Why oh why should you remain with him solely for this reason? You know what question comes to my mind: Are you a girlfriend or a trainer? Your man, beau, lover, whatever you want to call him is not a job. Should a woman really stay in a relationship that isn’t working because they have invested so much time getting her boo to a certain point. I say “Heck NO!”
“Ring the alarm…I have been through this too long but I will be darned if I see another chick on your arm!” Oh…I know. You invested time. You invested effort. You gave up other opportunities to be with a do-right brother so you can change this man. But wait… this man you can’t let go is a man you can’t even call “your man” because he is cheating on you. Businesspeople call that a sunk cost. Translation: that cost is a bye-bye and should have no influence on future decisions. That means let go of what you did for him. Only then can you focus on what you can do for yourself. You know that I was going to say it. And you know I am right.
I get that you have invested tremendous effort to “change” him to the man he is today. First your efforts, while commendable, didn’t work. He is stepping out on you. Not blaming you, just stating the facts. Secondly, you need to focus on the fact that he is doing things that is making you contemplate walking through the door. It’s like Beyonce screams on the track, “I don’t want you but I want it and I can’t let it go.”
You are not staying because of the good times you once shared with him. You are not even staying because you think he will continue to change for the better. Keep it real, please. You are staying in the relationship out of spite. You are not spitting other women. Instead you are spiting yourself just because you don’t want some other chick to get what you could get. (Sigh.) Are you that desperate for apologies, “forgive me gifts”, the title and heartache? I would hope not.
“But Cooke, you don’t understand. Let me explain.” STOP! There is no need to convince me about what you have done, the things you have sacrificed, the hurt you feel by his cheating ways. Frankly, it is not important. If he loved you…truly loved you… he wouldn’t have cheated. If he cared…truly cared…he would have admitted his mistake and stopped. And if he valued your relationship…truly valued your relationship…he would not pushed you to the point where you are willing to “Ring the Alarm”. When you accept what I have said, you will let him go and create “the picture perfect movie everyone would’ve saw.”