My friend called me to vent about the new guy in her life. She said “I want him to call me because I am on his mind. I want him to send me flowers. I want him to want to be with me. I just…I just want it.” All I heard was Etta James soulful voice. My friend then asked “Am I crazy?” I wanted to say “Girl noooo! All you want is that Sunday kind of love.” But before I could answer her question, she says what too many of us have said “BUT…he told me he isn’t ready for a relationship and that’s okay.” Now I wanted to say, “Yup, you are crazy!” Of course I didn’t say that. I nodded because I understood.
A single woman is a lot like an unemployed individual. The single woman and the unemployed individual know they deserve the best and both want the best (a good man and a career, respectively). However, due to the lack of supply, increased demand and frustration in finding it, both individuals settle for whatever is available. Now I am going to ask you a question that I recently asked another individual conducting a job search: Are you settling?
Do you want a “Sunday kind of love but have been settling for the one that ends on Saturday night?” Well let me tell you, Ms. Etta James would not be pleased. Frankly, I think she would have a fit. Ms. James tells you, doesn’t sing to you but tells you, “I want a Sunday kind of love.” Ms. James wants what she thought she should have, what she downright deserves and she is holding out until she gets it. And you know what, so should you. But I know what you are thinking, “Cooke, that kind of love doesn’t exist.” Well I have news for you. The Sunday kind of love IS available. Now I know what your next question is…”Cooke, where is it?” Well come on now. If I knew that…I would have told you.
In Coming to America, Eddie Murphy faced the same dilemma. First he looked for love where some of us look for it… the club. You know what Ms. James would tell you. She would say (and I am paraphrasing) “Chil’…that won’t last you past Saturday night.” Eddie knew that and he refused to settle. That is why he asked the man at the barbershop for advice. And Eddie took the barber’s advice and looked and looked until…BAM! He found it. What is the difference between my friend and Eddie? It’s not the millions. No, no, no. It’s not the royalty. Not at all. The only difference between Eddie and my friend was that Eddie refused to settle. He wanted the real thing and he eventually got his Sunday kind of love. Not even the King could stop it!
Now if Coming to America taught us anything, it’s that love is out there. My friend wants the Sunday kind of love that Ms. James sings of but she settles. She settles for less because she is losing faith that more is out there. I believe to get the real thing you have to believe that you deserve the real thing. Not to mention you got to put in the work. You don’t land a career wishing upon a star or complaining about being unemployed. Neither do you find that Sunday kind of love by calling me to tell me how much you want it but accepting the little bit some dude is giving. That is a big NO-NO! Now, I am not an expert. I am a believer because I got that Sunday kind of love. (Not bragging, just telling you my side.)
Now…don’t get me wrong. There are no guarantees in love. The only thing that is guaranteed in life is taxes! Oh and somebody telling you too much information after they have had too much to drink. On the other hand, Sunday kind of love is something everyone deserves. And if we are fortunate, we will recognize its value and treat it the way we used to treat our brand-new sneakers back in the day. You know what I mean, right? Being careful not to tarnish it, not treating it any ole’ kind of way, making sure that everyone knew how special it was so everyone else could also respect it.
So to my friend…I will continue to listen but I will also try to encourage her to keep searching. To you…don’t settle for something that won’t last past Saturday night. Keep searching for that “certain kind of lover to show you the way.” How? First, believe that you deserve it. Secondly, trust that a Sunday kind of love is out there. Finally, have faith that you will find and get it. To find it though requires work…work that may require you to stay up past Saturday night!